How to Be a Good Ally
We’ve all heard the phrase being an LGBTQ+ ally, but beyond having friends who are within the community, do we know what being a good ally really means, and the small everyday steps we can take to help protect our friends and loved ones?
Now, more than ever, the LGBT+ community needs allies who will stand up and speak out for our rights.
According to Stonewall, using figures from the ONS, hate crimes on the basis of sexual orientation are up 112% in the last five years, and hate crimes against trans people have risen by 186% in the last five years also.
This election could be pivotal in protecting both the Equality Act and the Human Rights Act, while also reversing legislation like the Public Order Act that could be used to curtail activities such as Pride if a government so wanted.
But beyond voting, there are plenty of things you can do to be the best ally you can be in your everyday lives.
Listen
Listening to LGBT+ voices is the first step to being supportive.
Part of this is acknowledging your privilege and allowing marginalised people to have a voice, and by listening you can begin to understand the challenges that these groups face on a daily basis.
At times it might feel like you’re being criticised, but this isn’t the intention. We all need to vent our frustrations and believe us when we say the LGBT community can have good reason to feel frustrated.
Empathy goes a long way in this world, just because you may not experience the world through a pink-tinted lens doesn’t mean that you can’t see LGBT+ people for who they are, people. Who you love, how you choose to express your gender identity, or experience your own sexuality doesn’t take away from the fact we are all the same, we’re all human.
Ultimately, this is an exercise not about you, it’s not for you to seek validation from LGBT+ people and be given a nice pat on the back, being a good ally takes patience, commitment and action, which begins by deeper understanding and compassion for the plight LGBT+ people face in their lives.
“It is revolutionary for any trans person to choose to be seen and visible in a world that tells us we should not exist”
Learn
Pride isn’t just a party (although it’s usually a great time to have fun!), you also need to understand where Pride came from and that it was originally a protest. By understanding the legacy of political struggle, which got us to where we are today, will help you be a better ally.
There are so many ways to hear the voices and lived experiences of LGBTQIA+ people in today’s world, with a myriad of films, books, podcasts and social media to explore.
Queer: A Graphic History, Could Totally Change the Way You Think About Sex and Gender’ Vice.
Available at Gay’s the Word – London’s oldest LGBT+ bookshop.
And a brilliant account to follow for up-to-date news is Pink News either on their website, or their social media.
Most importantly realise that this is a learning experience, you might not always get everything right, but correcting yourself if you get someone’s pronouns wrong, or accidentally use a slur, will show your willingness to educate yourself and change your behaviour for the better.
“Personally, coming out was one of the most important things I’ve ever done, lifting from my shoulders the millstone of lies that I hadn’t even realised I was carrying.”
Don’t Be Performative…Act!
The power of the pink pound tends to inspire a lot of performative allyship especially around Pride season. Most companies think it is enough to just put a Pride flag into their logo, but really it is meaningless, especially as it is now so commonplace.
Instead, have a think about what you can do personally or professionally to foster a culture of inclusion, support LGBT+ charities or organisations (handy list below), and better educate family and friends to dispel misconceptions.
Small actions:
Think about putting your pronouns on social media or the end of your email signature
Ensure your workplace has good reporting procedures for discriminatory behaviour that allows you to be active in putting a stop to it
Be visible in your support, share information on your social media account, challenge people who make jokes or comments, and most importantly uplift marginalised voices
Email your MP when legislation is going through that unfairly targets minorities of all kinds
“Being an ally can’t just be about nodding when someone says something we agree with – important as that is. It must also be about action. It’s our job to stand up for those who are not at the table when life-altering decisions are made.”
5 Charities to Consider Supporting
And Finally a Few Handy Do’s and Don’ts
DO - get your acronyms right; LGBT+ is fine, LGBTQ+ is also great, and LGBTQIA is going for full marks, but just make sure you never leave off the ‘T’.
DON’T - be offended if someone calls you cisgender. Cisgender just means someone whose gender identity is the same as the sex they were registered at birth. The term has been around since 1994 and used by many people nowadays, it’s not meant as a slur.
DO - work on your support as often as you’re able. Being an ally isn’t just for Pride, it should be all-year-round.
DON’T - out anyone. Coming out is a deeply personal act for an LGBT+ person and often one fraught with emotion and sometimes even danger. It is not for you to make that decision for someone else, so keep you lips shut if you have been told something in confidence.
Bonus: Some people might even just call themselves Queer, with many in the community are actively reclaiming what was once a derogatory term, however, be careful using it with someone if you don’t know them very well and if you are cisgender, as some in the community are not as keen on it as others, and it can be seen as more of a political statement.
